we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize