So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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