Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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