you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
