We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
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He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
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"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
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