My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
