i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
