She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
