I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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