My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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