end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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