awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
