yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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