I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You can't special order awesome
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
