omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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