Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
