If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
