This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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