you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
