"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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