i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
