Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
