i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
