The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
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I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
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Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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