my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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