actually, I'm a sock model
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
