My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
