Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
