Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i love accidental penises.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize