I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize