can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
