i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
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I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize