After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
