Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
