I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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