shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
