By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
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Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
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They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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