Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
