Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
