i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
