I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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