I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
