I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And then my night got REAL pukey
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
