Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
