so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
