I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
