nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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