he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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