I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
