And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
