Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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