The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
