I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
