his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
