Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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