I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize