Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
