It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
