I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just found puke in my bra..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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